Army Veteran Exposes Family Court Bias Against Service Members
When the Battle Comes Home
For most service members, the greatest challenges are found on the battlefield. But for some, the fiercest fight begins after returning home — in family court.
Army veteran, attorney, and advocate Erhan Bedestani knows that struggle firsthand. After 21 years of military service, including time in Special Forces, Bedestani now dedicates his post-military career to exposing how systemic bias in family courts disproportionately harms military parents.
As founder of Warrior Family Advocacy, a nonprofit dedicated to supporting service members in custody and divorce disputes, Bedestani has made it his mission to ensure that those who served their country are treated with fairness and dignity in their own homes.
“If you care about veteran suicide, you have to care about how veterans and service members are treated in family courts,” Bedestani says. “So many of the principal drivers of suicide are inside what happens during divorce and custody battles.”
GUEST BIO: WHO IS ERHAN BEDESTANI?
Erhan Bedestani is a retired U.S. Army officer, attorney, and family law advocate who has dedicated his post-military career to exposing and reforming systemic bias against service members in the family court system.
After 21 years of distinguished service in the Army—including deployments and leadership roles in both air defense artillery and special forces—Erhan retired in 2023 and transitioned into law, focusing on advocacy for military families navigating custody and divorce disputes.
He is the founder of the nonprofit Warrior Family Advocacy, an organization that works to protect the parental rights of service members and veterans. His mission is to highlight how family courts and military administrative systems—particularly the Family Advocacy Program (FAP)—often disadvantage military parents due to deployments, relocations, or misconceptions about mental health and readiness.
Through his research, legal scholarship, and public speaking, including publications in the Family Court Review and Military Law Review, Erhan has become a leading voice on how procedural flaws in military and family court systems contribute to emotional distress, financial hardship, and even veteran suicide.
He combines legal expertise, lived experience, and compassion to push for reforms that ensure fairness, due process, and dignity for those who’ve served their country—both in uniform and at home.
The Hidden Bias: How Family Courts View the Military
Through extensive research and personal experience, Bedestani uncovered patterns of bias that repeatedly disadvantage military parents. Among them:
The Stigma of Service – Deployments, frequent relocations, and the transient nature of military life often lead courts to view service members as unstable or less reliable parents.
The Mental Health Misconception – The public perception of PTSD and combat stress can unjustly brand veterans as unfit caregivers, even when they have no diagnosis.
Media Narratives – Sensational coverage of rare cases of misconduct distorts public perception of veterans, painting an unfairly extreme image that seeps into the courtroom.
Administrative Overreach – Perhaps the most concerning, Bedestani says, is the military’s own Family Advocacy Program (FAP) — a “shadow court” that renders findings of abuse or neglect through a process lacking due process safeguards.
Inside the Family Advocacy Program (FAP): A ‘Shadow Court’
The Family Advocacy Program Incident Determination Committee (IDC) was originally designed in the 1960s to address domestic violence and child abuse on military installations. But today, Bedestani argues, it functions as an extra layer of bureaucracy that undermines justice rather than serving it.
Although FAP hearings are supposed to be administrative and clinical, they resemble judicial proceedings — without offering the protections of a real court.
“It looks like a court and smells like a court, but it’s nothing like a court,” Bedestani says.
According to his research, published in Family Court Review and Military Law Review, FAP proceedings allow:
No access to the complaint — accused service members often don’t know the details of the allegations.
No legal representation — neither party can have an attorney present.
No rules of evidence — hearsay and unverified information may be admitted without challenge.
The result? Decisions of “substantiated” or “unsubstantiated” abuse are often reached without transparency or accountability. Worse, those findings — despite being administrative — are sometimes used as evidence in civilian family courts, influencing child custody and divorce outcomes.
“These documents carry weight in civilian courts,” Bedestani warns. “Even though they lack due process, they end up shaping custody decisions and parental rights.”
The Emotional Toll: When Service Becomes a Weapon
Many veterans who contact Warrior Family Advocacy say their military record — once a badge of honor — is now being used against them. The same deployments and sacrifices that once demonstrated commitment to country are reframed in court as neglectful or unstable behavior.
This emotional reversal, Bedestani believes, plays a direct role in veteran suicide rates. The VA consistently identifies relationship breakdowns, legal struggles, and financial stress as major risk factors for suicide — all of which are exacerbated by biased family court systems.
“It’s not what happened overseas that’s breaking people,” Bedestani explains. “It’s navigating family court — feeling powerless, alienated from your children, and seeing your service weaponized against you.”
A Call for Change
The encouraging news, Bedestani says, is that this is a fixable problem. Unlike reforms to the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ), correcting the Family Advocacy Program doesn’t require congressional action — just administrative courage and leadership.
He advocates for:
Eliminating redundant administrative hearings that lack due process.
Training commanders and JAG officers on the impacts of FAP decisions in civilian courts.
Implementing due process standards — including legal representation and transparent evidence procedures.
Expanding support resources for service members navigating divorce and custody disputes.
Ultimately, Bedestani’s goal is to restore trust — both in the system and in the principle that service to one’s country should never come at the expense of one’s family.
WATCH FULL EPISODE HERE
🔑Key Takeaways
🔹 Family Court Bias Exists – Military parents face unique challenges in custody cases due to misconceptions about deployments, relocations, and mental health.
🔹 FAP Needs Reform – The Family Advocacy Program operates as an unregulated “shadow court,” often influencing civilian proceedings without due process.
🔹 Service Shouldn’t Be Punished – Veterans deserve fair treatment in family court, not stigma based on their service.
🔹 Suicide Prevention Starts at Home – Addressing how family courts treat veterans is vital to reducing veteran suicide rates.
🔹 Change Is Possible – Administrative reforms, education, and advocacy can create a fairer system for military families.
Why This Conversation Matters
For decades, the military community has focused on battlefield injuries and post-traumatic stress. But as Bedestani reminds us, the hidden wounds often come from battles fought at home — in courtrooms, custody hearings, and the hearts of those trying to remain both warriors and parents.
“Justice shouldn’t depend on who can survive the process,” he says. “It should protect those who’ve already sacrificed enough.”
