Inside the Battle to Fix Military Family Care - Jeremy Hilton’s Story
Military Family Month shines a spotlight each November on the strength, resilience, and sacrifices of military families. But within this community, a significant group often struggles quietly—families enrolled in the Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP). On episode 235 of the Stories of Service podcast, host Teresa Carpenter sat down with someone who has spent nearly two decades fighting for these families: Jeremy Hilton, a nationally recognized military family advocate, former Navy officer, and father of a medically complex child.
This conversation unpacks Jeremy’s evolution from submariner to full-time caregiver to one of the most influential voices in military family policy. His story reveals not only the challenges faced by EFMP families but also what it takes to reform the systems they depend on.
GUEST BIO: JEREMY HILTON?
Jeremy Hilton is an award-winning policy strategist, military family advocate, and former U.S. Navy officer whose work has shaped policies for service members, veterans, and their families at the federal, state, and local levels. He is best known for:
Co-founding the TRICARE for Kids Coalition, which helped drive reforms for military children’s health care
Serving as a regional liaison with the Defense State Liaison Office
Advocating nationally for EFMP modernization, special education access, and TRICARE improvements
Using his lived experience as a caregiver to his daughter Kate, who was born with severe hydrocephalus
Jeremy is widely regarded as one of the most knowledgeable and effective voices on military family policy—especially issues affecting families with special needs.
From Texas Roots to the Submarine Force
Jeremy grew up in Virginia before settling in Huntsville, Texas. Influenced by stories from his grandfather, a World War II veteran in the Army Air Corps, he decided early in life that service would be part of his path. He attended the Air Force Academy, but fate led him in another direction: instead of commissioning into the Air Force, he crossed into the U.S. Navy.
Drawn to technical challenges and operational leadership, Jeremy pursued the submarine community. With a background in aeronautical engineering, he transitioned seamlessly into the Navy’s nuclear power pipeline, completing training in Orlando, Charleston, and Groton before serving on ballistic missile submarines in Washington State.
Life as a submariner was demanding and intellectually rigorous, but everything changed when he and his wife began building a family.
A Life-Changing Diagnosis
In 2002, while stationed in the Washington, D.C. area, Jeremy’s daughter Kate was born at Bethesda Naval Medical Center. She was diagnosed with severe hydrocephalus, requiring immediate and ongoing medical intervention. Doctors were uncertain she would survive.
The family lived for weeks in the Fisher House while Kate remained in the NICU. It soon became clear that one parent would need to step back to manage her endless cycle of surgeries, therapies, and medical appointments. Because the Navy’s submarine deployment schedule was operationally intense—often involving months away at sea—Jeremy made the selfless decision to leave the service.
This was the turning point. He left his Navy uniform behind, but not his sense of mission. Caring for Kate became his new full-time role.
Inside EFMP: The Realities for Military Families
The Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP) was created to ensure that service members with family members who have medical or educational needs are assigned to duty stations capable of supporting those needs. In reality, however, the program has long suffered from inconsistent standards, limited staffing, and different rules depending on the service branch.
For the Hilton family, the years following Kate’s birth were a whirlwind. Between 2004 and 2007, they endured:
Five moves
Two deployments
Multiple permanent changes of station
Constantly rebuilding Kate’s care team from scratch
Every PCS meant starting over with new specialists, new schools, new therapies, and unfamiliar bureaucracies. Jeremy quickly realized the system wasn’t functioning the way policy intended.
He also recognized that their story wasn’t unique—EFMP families across the military were struggling with the same setbacks, administrative hurdles, and emotional strain.
From Personal Challenge to National Advocacy
A pivotal moment came when Jeremy reviewed the Air Force Instruction governing EFMP and saw that many of its requirements weren’t being implemented. He filed a DoD Inspector General complaint—a bold move that is rarely successful. His complaint was substantiated, validating what so many families had been experiencing.
This opened the door for broader advocacy.
Jeremy began working with leaders at the Pentagon, connecting with advocates, and gaining exposure to organizations such as:
Military Officers Association of America (MOAA)
National Military Family Association (NMFA)
TRICARE for Kids Coalition
He learned the mechanics of military policy: U.S. Code, federal regulations, the Pentagon’s structure, and the legislative process. What began as fighting for one child became a mission to help thousands.
Why Coalition-Building Matters in Military Advocacy
One of the strongest themes in Jeremy and Teresa’s conversation was the importance of coalition-building. Policy change does not happen in isolation. It requires:
Showing up in rooms where decisions are made
Working with diverse stakeholders
Navigating differing opinions
Staying focused on shared goals
Teresa noted that her own experience advocating for military pet policies and later military justice reform taught her similar lessons. Advocacy requires thick skin, collaboration, and a willingness to cooperate even with people whose strategies differ.
This is the heart of effective military advocacy: the “why” unites us, even when our “how” looks different.
The Current Landscape of EFMP
Despite progress, EFMP still faces challenges:
Inconsistent standards across service branches
Families unclear about their rights
Concerns about career impact
Assignment mismatches
Long wait times for services after PCS moves
Approximately 10% of military families are enrolled in EFMP—and another 10% may qualify but haven’t enrolled due to stigma or misunderstanding.
Jeremy argues that solutions may lie in a more nuanced, tiered approach that differentiates between mild, moderate, and severe conditions. Standardization must improve to ensure families receive the same level of support regardless of branch.
A Legacy of Service Beyond the Uniform
Jeremy Hilton’s advocacy work is a powerful reminder that military service is not limited to active duty. Sometimes service evolves into something even more impactful.
His lived experience, policy expertise, and compassion have shaped improvements for countless families navigating EFMP, TRICARE, and special education systems. His story reinforces a core belief echoed in the Travis Manion Foundation’s famous quote:
“If not me, then who?”
Jeremy chose to turn hardship into purpose—and the military community is better for it.
WATCH FULL EPISODE HERE
Key Takeaways
👉 Jeremy Hilton is a leading advocate for military families with special needs, shaping EFMP and TRICARE reforms.
👉 He transitioned from Navy officer to full-time caregiver, dedicating his life to his daughter Kate’s complex medical needs.
👉 EFMP is vital but unevenly executed, causing major challenges during PCS moves and assignment decisions.
👉 Advocacy works best through coalitions, and Jeremy’s success comes from collaborating with major military family organizations.
👉 Policy change takes persistence, and Jeremy learned to navigate Congress, DoD regulations, and federal law to drive improvements.
👉 About 10% of military families are in EFMP, with many more who may qualify but fear stigma or career impacts.
👉 Standardization and clearer guidance are needed to ensure all EFMP families receive equal support.
👉 Service continues beyond the uniform, and Jeremy’s advocacy shows how lived experience can fuel meaningful change.
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